I think one of the worst feelings as a Mum is helplessness. It's been a bad start to the week with a fit on Monday that once again did not subside, requiring an ambulance and a fit on Tuesday which ended in A&E. And you're just so bloody helpless...there is literally nothing you can do but watch and wait and hope. Trouble is, nobody can help really, not even the best doctor you can contact, because it's a waiting game and a game of bravery and courage whilst her medicines are changing . Elin shows tremendous courage, she shows us everyday and this is where I get mine from, but it's tough to stay brave when you want to rip your heart out to stop it hurting and you would give anything for the bastard fits to leave Elin alone. But you can't reason with epilepsy, you are at it's mercy and so is she. You are helpless and as a Mum you feel hopeless and sometimes useless too. All you can do is keep going and keep smiling and keep being the best Mum you can be and not let it beat you, keep your courage. Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes:
" Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow"
I understand completely where you are coming from. I can deal with everything Zack throws at me but the moment he is ill or in hospital I am rubbish, I can't handle it and I hate the feeling of utter helplessness. So I totally know what you mean. Hoping the new meds start working and keep those crappy seizures at bay. Hugs to you both. Linz xxx
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeletethis post made me so emotional. I just realize how lucky I am. I think yourself, Elin and your family and so brave and I really thank-you for sharing many stories on here, at a time when I am pressured due to my exams and deterioration of my CP every time I read your blog it really helps me come back down to ground and realize how lucky i am. I really thank you for that, I feel a little bit guilty at times because I have an opportunity to live such a wonderful life and sometimes i get caught up and get frustrated with CP, my comments mean no disrespect. I just want to thank-you for helping me a lot... I will keep your family in my prayers, I admire the strength and courage you show. xx Shaz