I'm gonna live forever...

Today Paul took Caitlin to London. She is starting her three-year course at the drama school 'Italia Conti' in North Clapham. It is one of the oldest drama schools in the UK, we are still absolutely buzzing that she got in her first year of trying. Statistically, only one 1 in 5 of students who get into an accredited drama school in the UK are under 21 years of age (Caitlin is 18) . And only 20% of students auditioning get in at all. You do the maths (I can't). Basically, she's beaten some serious odds and everyone is very proud :-) :-) Having been to drama school myself (yes! That's right! I had talent once upon a time, apparently, and was lucky enough to score a place at Queen Margaret's drama school in Edinburgh) I know that she is going to have the best experience EVER. I also know she is going to be homesick, and scared, and intimidated at times. But she's got this. It's what she's always wanted, she's strong, she's massively talented (more so that I could ever have dreamed of being). She'll be ok. She has heaps of family down there. It's going to be amazing for her.
She's not coming home until Christmas.
Oh god.
We're going to miss her so much it's worrying.
I'm worried for Elin and how much she will miss her.
Yesterday when Caitlin came to say her final goodbye Elin had no clue. She had no clue her best friend in the world is leaving. Until Christmas. She won't see her for 12 weeks. It's enough to make me cry (disclaimer: I did cry, I have cried and I'm still crying). I absolutely hate that we can't explain to Elin what is happening. We can't help her to understand in any way what is going on, where Caitlin is going, why she is leaving, that she is even leaving at all, how long it will be before she sees her again and, put simply, why she can't hear her favourite person in the world around her anymore. She hasn't noticed today of course. she won't notice tomorrow. It may be a few days. But soon she will start looking around. If she hears her name she will strain and struggle. If she hears Adele on the radio she will start laughing (she will think it is Caitlin).
It's not fair.
It's another thing we just gotta suck up and deal with. In a different world Elin would be excited for Caitlin, speaking to her on the phone, even texting her maybe, pouring over her freshers photo's, asking what she's doing, visiting her. That's the other world of course, the parallel universe where Elin was born ok. I don't know how to make this ok for her. I make it ok for me by drinking red wine, but that's not going to work for Elin. We just have to wait and see and THANK GOD for face time and Skype so she can 'see' and 'speak to' Caitlin as regularly as she can. That's the only thing we can do. You know I hate change, blog readers, and this is a pretty big one. It highlights, as things do now and then, the life we are leading in comparison to the life we could have led. The thought of Elin missing Caitlin and not being able to articulate it , express it and act o it make me feel physically ill, so we have to be her thoughts and her voice. We have to make sure we keep the contact. Again, thank GOD for the internet which makes this entirely possible. And hey, whilst I'm worrying about Elin and how she will adjust I don't have to worry about me and how I will adjust.
Because I'm going to miss her.(I won't even start on Paul, he is beside himself at the thought of her leaving!!)  I'm SO excited for the life ahead of her and her talent and what she may achieve. I know that path, I've walked it. She is going to have the time of her life.
But I will miss her SO MUCH. And so will Elin. Hey that's life though eh. Christmas will be here before we know it, right????

08/09/16

Baby remember my name :-)